How Can You as a Parent Help?
Parents are often clueless when it comes to helping their child out of a low self esteem. What they don't realize is, many times all they need to do is, be there. A child always needs a support system, a person who says 'I am here for you, go ahead face the world and come back even if you have made a mistake, I will face the consequences with you'. Although this sounds great, you should affirm your children that it doesn’t permit them to do something against the law in order for them to face the world. A strong support back home gives the child a sense of confidence which goes a long way in defining his/her personality. It all starts from home.
The Do's
ü The first and foremost thing to do is appreciate the gift, which your child is
ü Be a good role model. By being positive, love yourself and happy, you can guide your child towards a fulfilling life.
ü Don't compare your one kid with the other, or worst with some top stars.
ü Be appreciative of whatever small thing that your child has achieved. A pat on the shoulder does wonders that even words cannot achieve.
ü Try to convert your child's weakness into some advantage of his/her, rather than criticizing them. It is totally ok to be a critic in your child's life, but there are better ways of doing so.
ü Identify with your child's fears. Their ‘kiddish’ fears may be small to you, but they are huge for them and it may be coming in the way of their growth.
ü Motivate your child. Not everyone is a born genius, but a little motivation may work wonders.
ü Independence is one totally misunderstood virtue. Parents often claim that they have given their children all the space they need, but sometimes they forget to let them be themselves. The freedom of being yourself is like the freedom to breathe. It is totally understandable to teach your kids your principles, but it is equally important to let them have their own set of principles also. Let the child learn from their own mistakes, when it is not possible to teach them with yours.
ü Be a friend to your child, learn what they are good at, what they do not like, what is bothering them and guide them towards their strengths. Make them aware of their weaknesses but along with the solutions. Always show them how you can together work it out.
ü Trust your child, that way they will gain some confidence. Moreover, children are not always wrong, even if they are, they will learn from the mistakes, and of course for the consequences you are there.
ü Let them participate in the important decisions and discussions around the house. Like while buying a new TV, you can always include the kid in the conversation and ask them what they thinks about some particular model, or which one would they like and why. Even though you might not end up buying the kid’s choice, they will feel important and visible because you’re asking for their opinion.
ü Teach the child the importance and meaning of failure. Explain to them what it means to fail, and how they have to get back to the task and try it again. Give them the examples of your life, your failures, and teach them to accept failure with a smile.
The Don'ts
ü Don't write off your baby as good-for-nothing. Never ever do that. Even if you don't say that, children tend to notice what you feel.
ü Avoid being negative when the child is around. Talking negative about them, about yourself, about anything, should be avoided. Imbibe positive thinking in your as well as your child's life.
ü Don't criticize brutally, discuss the problems and come up with solutions rather than nagging and scolding
ü Don't punish offensively. Punishments are required sometimes to convey the rules to the kid, but they should be such that it doesn’t hurt their pride.
ü Don't be over protective. Let the child make their own decisions. Discuss the pros and cons with them rather than implicating your decisions on the child.
ü Don't over praise the child for any achievements. Be normal with the appreciation, because children tend to notice the flattery, and even if they don't, they will go on the wrong side of confidence.
Once you are aware of the effects of low self esteem in children, you have to be extra cautious about your child's behavior. You have to look out for the signs and help accordingly. But if you think that it is already too late and you can't help your kid, talk to a professional. Sometimes, kids with low self esteem tend to harm themselves. If any such behavior is observed, it is advised to seek professional help immediately, before things go from bad to worse.
Being there for our children is one of our basic responsibilities. Don't forget that providing for them is something that everybody does, but standing behind them and going that one extra mile is what you can do for them, as a token of your love. Low self esteem in children can be cured with just one look. The look that you give when your child looks over their shoulder and finds you standing right there, all smiles and have faith in them. As Frederick Douglas said "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."
Being there for our children is one of our basic responsibilities. Don't forget that providing for them is something that everybody does, but standing behind them and going that one extra mile is what you can do for them, as a token of your love. Low self esteem in children can be cured with just one look. The look that you give when your child looks over their shoulder and finds you standing right there, all smiles and have faith in them. As Frederick Douglas said "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."
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Low Self Esteem, Children and Teenagers, What can you do?
Over the last decade, low self-esteem for children and teenagers is growing extremely fast. If you are like most parents, what you want more for your kids is self-confidence. They will tell you that academic and athletic come later on their wish list. Without self-confidence, it is extremely hard for children and teenagers to achieve any goals, resisting peer pressure and deal with adversity. Ultimately, without self confidence, it will affect directly their overall happiness and career success.
How can you help? The most important part of your job as a parent is to provide love and affection every day. All children and teenagers will benefit as they feel love by their parents. It is important for you to realize that love and affection alone it is not enough to build their self-confidence. They need two more ingredients in order to help them achieve self-confidence. They need People Skills and they need Character.
If you did a survey and surveyed people with people skills and people without, you would find that the main difference is the way they were raised. People skill is certainly very difficult to learn if you don’t learn it at a young age. That is why you should start with your children as soon as you can. Start with the basic technique. Teach them how to greet people, to look people in the eyes. When they become a teenager, you should add a firm handshake to what they should do. Teaching them how to listen well and not to be afraid to ask question will also be a good for them. There have been many studies done that shows people skills represent 75% of their success vs. 25% is technical knowledge. Don’t diminish the importance of your children learning math, read and writing but the emphasizing on their people skills will go a long way towards their overall happiness and career success.
Developing character is an extremely hard thing to do. It takes a lot of commitment to teach it, be accountable to it. This is the second item your children and teenagers will need in life. Start as young as you can to teach them about integrity. Being honest can only bring good things for them. Teach them how to behave in today’s society. What is accepted and what is not and knowing that will help them both on a personal level and later in life, on a professional level. Also, you could have self-confident children or teenagers but lack character. This will result with your children to not resist peer pressure, potentially affects their personal relationship and professional life.
Why is it that more and more children and teenagers lack people skills and character today? It is mainly due to 3 areas. Today’s technology, the pop culture and academics emphasis are the main reasons. The technology today, having access to e-mails, test messaging, cell phones, video games create a void in personal human contact which you can only improved by meeting people face to face. If you look at movies, cartoons, music videos and how it affects our children and teenagers, you will understand why it is another reason why people lack people skills. With the disrespectful gestures and expressions used today. It teaches our kids to behave the same way. It makes our jobs as parents much harder. Also, in today’s schools system, the emphasis in on academics. They do not believe people skills and character are priorities and therefore they do not focus on it. How many times have you heard small kids saying things such as “Stupid!” “Shut Up!” “Hell No!” “What the Hell?” Aren’t those sounds rude?
There are many things you can do to help your children and teenagers to build their people skills and character. You should emphasis the importance of people skills before they interact with others. It could be on the way to school, to visit family or friends etc. Re-emphasizing greeting, eye contact and a firm handshake every time. Next, be a good role model. Remember, your children are always watching and listening so you should always act the part. Last, look for third party help, children, especially teenagers can tune you out so if you can find material such as books, CDs or DVDs; That way they can teach themselves as they become an adult.
Today’s generation is not learning people skills or character development. We do not hesitate to get help for our children for any other subject. So let’s remember what will ultimately help our children and priorities correctly so our children and teenagers never suffer of Low Self Esteem
